The one place, the one time

Everywhere in my life, I'm wearing a mask. The truths are so hidden even I don't know what they are. I'm 42 years old, halfway through my life. This will be where I tell the truth - that although I'm married I'm in love with another man. That the other man doesn't love me and never will, and I'll probably never see him again, yet I can't stop loving him. That although I love my children I long to run away. That although I work for a charitable, nonprofit organization and have always acted ethically, I am essentially selfish and shallow: I wish I had a lot of money, I wish I were thin and beautiful and popular and cool. I long to have affairs - I have crushes on half the men I know. My daughter's first grade teacher. Her best friend's dad. The guy with the honking laugh and the ugly glasses. I want to become friends anonymously through this blog, but have nobody I know in my real life ever, ever find out about it. I have my "public" blogs for that but there will be an unbreachable wall between them.